Not-Single Mostly White Female
It’s been another fun day in Casa del Here. I think someone stole my mail and there’s no word yet on The Brother’s surgery.
It’s been a weird day emotionally, I think because of that. PMS and unmedicated Bipolar Disorder. It leads to a lot of sleeping, starting the laundry then forgetting the laundry, preparing food then getting too nauseas/hot/lazy to eat it, and the acne…the acne. The horror.
Justice sent me a random text message today; short and sweet. Random short and sweet text messages are the best. I want/need to see and tend to someone today but our weeks are just so completely out of sync that we just can’t do that. It’s a bummer but that’s fine. I know he cares for me and I know that I care for him and someday we will be able to see/talk to each other more.
I’ve gotten pretty good at rationalizing the random moments of being a complete headcase, in case you haven’t noticed.
Getting an email from Texas Cuss helps quite a bit. I missed her so much it hurt.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go through the Help Wanted section again and heat up a burrito.
Invisible Monsters
Chuck Palahniuk wrote: ‘The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.’.
Justice and I are dating again but I’m paranoid. I sent him a drunk email whining about a past love, he sent me a drunk email whining about a past love, I sent him a sober email offering advice or rants or something, and he sent me an email telling me that he wanted to give it another go.
Justice and I were “together” for more than half a year, with “together” meaning me loving him a little and him suddenly dropping all contact with me to have a relationship with a girl who had no emotional significance to him. I went back to someone who I loved a lot but had no emotional significance to me.
He touched me the way that always turns me into a bobblehead and said he wanted independence, time to figure things out, and me.
I held him the way that makes him stay up past his bedtime and told him I wanted independence, companionship, and a better chance at things. I told him about that loving him a little but I haven’t told him about wanting to see him more. He wants me to be open and I want to be open but it’s stupid and nonproductive to be open when it will drive someone away and you know that situations can’t be changed.
He is very busy, but I feel like a lot of those things he’s busy with aren’t very important. It isn’t a big deal now but it will be later. I can feel it.
I’m not asking for every day seeing him. It would be awesome, because we used to do close to every day seeing each other, but it sounds like we won’t be able to do anything together. I am needy, fuck. That needs to stop immediately.
I’m also broke again. More important than boys or feelings, my cat had to go to the vet yesterday. He had a puncture wound that abscessed and I think it was from either a carpet tack or spider bite, but either way I cried entirely too much when they squeezed his poor foot.
I also found out that he has one testicle. So, yeah. How about that?
Stoled from my OkCupid
Did you know that I’m emo?
A random internet stranger told me- It must be true! :DÂ Now then, off to Stick It In Yer Ear for Pedro the Lion and pounds of eyeliner :3
Fuck that shit. I had an unhappy moment, and now I am having a happy moment. I’ll have future unhappy moments just like I’ll have future happy moments. If you feel the need to inform me that expressing myself is abnormal, then kindly disconnect yourself from the internet, remove your head from your behind, and get back to whatever it was you were doing before discovering Maddox.
Thanks <3
Aside from that?
Apparently I got the concert date mucked up, so I’m seeing Weird Al the Monday AFTER next rather than plain ol’ tomorrow. Very cool regardless, seeing as though that means more time to jog/Silent Hill/pander around for jobs with Doug and DougWyfe.
Also? I still don’t care about the Obama family. Enuf with the damn interviews!
Open Letter #2: Disregard That, I Suck Cocks
I’m with someone new and I’m very happy. Hope u can do the same.
Ha ha, yeah…
Ouch.
Open Letter #1
Last night I heard noise outside my window and thought it was you. My heart skipped a couple beats and I almost dropped the book I was reading, but it wasn’t you. I knew that it wasn’t but hoped it was you, because when I was 16 and you would come to my window at night, it was better than red toenail polish, stealing my first vibrator, and drinking chocolate milk, all at once.
Every once in a while I think of you, and there are several things and places I have to avoid all together because they either remind me of you or I’m afraid of running into you there, with a girl, and know that will make me want to die a little inside because it feels wrong.
When I found a photo of you when we were happy together, I really lost it. Throw it away? Burn it? Hide it in the sock drawer?
I put it in a big frame with pictures of my friends and family, because you were once both. Suxxor. Now I get to look at it every day and feel embarrassment, anger, spite, and missing you, all at the same time, and it is hella confusing.
I keep getting this sneaking suspicion that I’ll never really get over you, and it hurts. There have been two people I have ever been completely comfortable around and when we were on good terms, you were one of those people. Around the end I honestly would have felt better if one of us would have just thrown a punch already.
Stupid us and our case of the crazies. We’re worse than Frida and Diego, but at least they were famous. We were just stupid in love and stupid in general.
If you don’t love me I feel like I’m going to die. This is an extreme case of the emos and I thought I outgrew this a long time ago, but apparently not.
Four years and an engagement, man. I’m so pissed off and still in love with you, it’s not even funny.
Or it is, but in that “Wow, that’s sad” and not “Ha ha” funny, although I can see both sides.
I found myself randomly thinking about you and immensely missing you. I don’t think that’ll ever change. Do you ever wonder about me?
