Invisible Monsters
Chuck Palahniuk wrote: ‘The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.’.
Justice and I are dating again but I’m paranoid. I sent him a drunk email whining about a past love, he sent me a drunk email whining about a past love, I sent him a sober email offering advice or rants or something, and he sent me an email telling me that he wanted to give it another go.
Justice and I were “together” for more than half a year, with “together” meaning me loving him a little and him suddenly dropping all contact with me to have a relationship with a girl who had no emotional significance to him. I went back to someone who I loved a lot but had no emotional significance to me.
He touched me the way that always turns me into a bobblehead and said he wanted independence, time to figure things out, and me.
I held him the way that makes him stay up past his bedtime and told him I wanted independence, companionship, and a better chance at things. I told him about that loving him a little but I haven’t told him about wanting to see him more. He wants me to be open and I want to be open but it’s stupid and nonproductive to be open when it will drive someone away and you know that situations can’t be changed.
He is very busy, but I feel like a lot of those things he’s busy with aren’t very important. It isn’t a big deal now but it will be later. I can feel it.
I’m not asking for every day seeing him. It would be awesome, because we used to do close to every day seeing each other, but it sounds like we won’t be able to do anything together. I am needy, fuck. That needs to stop immediately.
I’m also broke again. More important than boys or feelings, my cat had to go to the vet yesterday. He had a puncture wound that abscessed and I think it was from either a carpet tack or spider bite, but either way I cried entirely too much when they squeezed his poor foot.
I also found out that he has one testicle. So, yeah. How about that?
